I Wish I Was A Man
The Importance Of A Father In Men’s Life
There is a statement that says small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys .We often say the first real relationship a woman has with a man is the one she has with her father. There is the expression also that states the first real relationship a man has with a woman is the one he has with his mother. A woman will evolve into a good woman if she emulates the positive characteristics of the woman who raised her, which is her mother.
The role of a father portrays an important aspect in the role of raising a young man. The definition of the word father is a male parent, a man who has begotten a child who has sired an offspring. A likeness of his own image and reflection. So what happens if a father is not in the life of a son ? How can this impact a male child to transition into a manhood.
As report by the U.S. Census Bureau, 18.3 million kids, 1 of every 4, live without an biological, step, or adoptive father in the home. A father’s involvement in the growth and development of child portrays an impactful role in the overall growth of how a child will mature .
My child Emmanuel is an exceptional 18 year old young man who is active in his community and plays football. It is so fascinating looking at his beard or pulling the hair on the lower part of his jawline. I find myself as a mother going through a world of fond memories and recollecting carrying him in my womb, teaching him how to walk, reading him a bed time story or playing Coldplay's Yellow for him.
I look at him and see such a beautiful young man. There are moments that he wants a male perspective from his father or a man’s point of view that I cannot give. He is understanding of the fact that his father is in and out of his life at times but he accepts it. It is a hurtful thing to want the support of a man who is a reflection of your identity.
One particular day at football practice my son was yelled at by his coach. I remember looking at the frustration and hurt in his face offering mother suggestions, input and he said it’s okay mom never mind. When we got home I found him sitting flat on the floor trying to examine what went wrong on the football field. I immediately sat beside him and did my best to give him words of encouragement.
I finally kissed him on his cheek and he went to shower. I reached out to his father but there was no response. In that moment watching the disappointment, frustration, and hurt in my son’s face made me say “ I wish I was a man”. I said that because I do not know the perspective that a man has on a young man but I comprehend it’s a male point of view. He could give my son something that I could not give him and that made me have such animosity towards him for this moment that he was needed.
I went to bed and cried because I could not reach my son the way his father could. I cried because I wanted my son to know he an amazing young man. As mothers we are maternal creatures, and we internally comprehend when our children are suffering in silence. So, what do you do if you're a single mother raising a son?
I did some research on empowering young men who have no father figure in the home. Here are my results.
#1. Reach out to positive male role models that can speak to your child. (coach, teacher, uncle,) positive male role models can help a young man
#2. Find programs to encourage and empower a young man. 100 Black Men Of Los Angeles is a non-profit organization that encourages young men and women of color
#3. Provide your son with encouraging videos, tapes that inspire him.
The next day I reached out to positive men in my son’s life such as his previous coach, my brothers, my nephew and his barber. Each day someone was available to speak encouragement into his spirit. If you are single mother raising a young man, be proud of your role to support him in all his dreams and goals and when there are times you feel he needs a male perspective surround your son with positive male role models to help him on his journey to manhood. Remember at the end of the day it takes a village to raise a child.
Copyright © 2021 Meshell Baylor All Rights Reserved.
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